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Hole in the Head

July 26, 2010 by Sybil Macbeth Leave a Comment

A few days ago I told the proprietor of a small women’s clothing store, ” I need another item of clothing like I need a hole in the head.” Then it struck me, “I probably do need a hole in the head!”

Jesus’s words in Matthew’s Gospel chapter 5:29-30 come to mind:
29 Let’s not pretend this is easier than it really is. If you want to live a morally pure life, here’s what you have to do: You have to blind your right eye the moment you catch it in a lustful leer. You have to choose to live one-eyed or else be dumped on a moral trash pile. 30 And you have to chop off your right hand the moment you notice it raised threateningly. Better a bloody stump than your entire being discarded for good in the dump. (The Message)

So what do I do if my mind or my brain is the offender rather than my hand or eye? I understand Jesus is not talking about literal, voluntary amputation or gouging. But a metaphorical hole in the head seems like a good way to release the gases of my toxic thinking. The hole could also spread fresh air and ventilation to some starving, damaged cells.
So along with the practices I described in Inner Gossip, I’ll add some intentional breathing with a visual. I’ll imagine an extra hole in my head where ruach, the Holy Spirit, can circulate and surround my brain and my thoughts with fresh, living air.

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Filed Under: Praying in Color Tagged With: Matthew 5, ruach

Repairs

May 17, 2010 by Sybil Macbeth Leave a Comment

I’m tired of being a careless slob. A month ago I damaged a brand new orange purse by tossing a permanent black pen into it. The ink seeped through the lining and left a quarter-sized, unbudgeable blob on the leather. The same kind of black pen left a conspicuous mark on the front of a pair of tan pants. Now I remember why most of my pants are black and my backpack purse of three years is also black.

Last night I decided to take a picture of the repair attempts I had made to the orange purse and tan pants. A tie-dyed piece of duct tape covers the blob on the purse; a trio of buttons masks the mark on the pants. Since I was wearing the pants, my brother offered to take the photograph. I handed him the camera but released my grasp before the transfer was complete. The camera landed lens-down on the floor. A foreboding message appeared on the screen, “Lens Error.” The five-month old camera, a gift from my husband last Christmas, is now nonfunctional and awaiting repairs way beyond my skill level.

My response to the purse, pants, and camera debacle is self-disdain. It’s as if I stand outside of my self and sneer at the klutzy person who wrecks her stuff with regularity. “What an idiot. How can you be so stupid…?” It’s harsh language to use on another human being, even if the other human being happens to be myself. What makes me think it’s okay to “pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults….” “That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging” says The Message version of Matthew 7:1. “Carelessly call a brother ‘idiot!’ and you just might find yourself hauled into court. Thoughtlessly yell ‘stupid!’ at a sister and you are on the brink of hellfire. The simple moral fact is that words kill.”

I avoid all kinds of physical behaviors that might kill me: reckless driving, smoking, eating lots of fatty foods, drugging….But  when I criticize myself with contempt, I practice life-threatening psychic behaviors. Harsh words kill the spirit and make me forget I am a beloved child of God.

Repairing my purse, pants, and my camera are all good things. But repairing my critical spirit requires more than an application of duct tape and buttons. This is a job for daily prayer and vigilance, one I can’t do without God’s help.


Black Ink Blob                                                                                                                                   Duct Tape Repair

Button Repair

Sybil MacBeth ©2010

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Filed Under: Praying in Color Tagged With: Matthew 5, Matthew 7, repairs

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