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Advent Lights and Advent Calendar 2013–First 1/2

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I am an “Advent Fanatic” or “Advent Extremist” or “Advent Fundamentalist” or “Advent ____.” I’m trying to find the right word to fill in the blank. Yesterday a friend proposed “Advent Advocate.” I like the alliteration, but it feels less hardcore than I am. I really want Advent to have its almost four-week due. Then let Christmas and Epiphany have another two or more weeks. Maybe, it turns out, “Advent Grouch”  is a more apt word for me. Anyway, I’m still waiting for the perfect word duo to express my resolute devotion to a real time of preparation and waiting before Christmas. (without being a cranky old lady about it)

I discovered I’m not the only pre-Christmas, purple-light person in the neighborhood. There is a magnificent light-covered tree about a half-mile from me. I haven’t knocked on the owner’s door yet to ask if they are making an Advent statement or if they just like purple. To me the tree says, “It’s Advent!, Prepare the way of the Lord.”

The picture on the left is our porch; the fabulous tree is on the right.

Advent Collage 3 resized

Here is the first half of my Advent calendar. This year I decided to pray for people and places.  For the past couple of years I’ve been pondering and praying Advent words: wait, hope, anticipate, darkness, prepare, light….

Advent Wreath First Half 2013 resized

Advent Obsession

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In the middle of the night, a nagging thought can grab hold of my sweet sleep and bring me bolt upright to wakefulness. My first response is to “get on that pony and ride.” “What if this happens?” or “What if I do this?” or “What if I just say it this way?” or “What if I had just done ____”? The “What ifs” accelerate. Before I know it, I’m out of the starting gate and racing into a full blown Obsession Session.

Obsession is massaging and rehashing the same thought over and over again. It initially makes me feel smart. I’m dealing with a perceived problem and using the scientific method to consider all of the outcomes and possibilities. What I’m obsessing about, however, is often out of my control and sometimes not my business—my children, the church, the future, what people think of me. Obsession is about the fear and powerlessness I feel. It is my frantic effort to be in control or at least to not be blind-sided by future surprises.

Obsession, however, mostly makes me crazy. It makes me lose sleep and serenity with nothing to show for it. All I’m left with is a headful of looping movies clips of an endless chase scene on a tortuous road on top of a cliff above the ocean. Nighttime obsessions are the worst. I can’t escape the darkness and I don’t want to wake my husband or call a friend at 2AM for reassurance.

I’m not sure who first said this: “My mind is a dangerous neighborhood and I try not to go there alone,” but it is wisdom I often forget when I enter into an obsessive rant. Well before dawn this morning, a brain typhoon began and my current obsession blew to the surface. At the same time, I heard the warning: “Don’t go into that neighborhood alone.” With no conscious thought I heard myself inviting a friend to go with me: “Come quickly, Lord Jesus, come”! I recited this Advent acclamation over and over. Jesus had entered the “hood” with me. The obsessive thoughts skittered to the sidelines of the town square as we walked together. They didn’t disappear, but I knew I was no longer alone. A great light shined in that dark neighborhood and I fell back to sleep, less afraid.

The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who lived in a land of deep darkness— on them light has shined. (Isaiah 9:2 NRSV)