It only took 10 hours into Lent before I was giving myself a back lashing for my stinking thinking. It involved a little jealousy on my part. I’m almost never jealous of people’s stuff; I don’t want a nicer car or house or jewelry…. But I often wish I had someone else’s maturity or spiritual depth or golden glow or positive attitude or discipline…..Maybe it’s because it’s Lent and I’m more attentive, but the ugly green monster was named and recognized for it attempts to build a nest in my head. Unlike my normal jealous rantings and self-denigration, I just said “Get lost, loser.” This is progress.
This morning in my single prayer paragraph to God, I said, “Help me to be kind, today. Let me think before I speak. Let me love before I think.” That unexpected last line jolted me like no back lashing ever could. Some of my friends say, “You can’t always control your first thought, but you can control the second one.” The absence of love for myself or someone else is often the reason for the second thought, the third, and the cerebral rampage that follows.
Help me, God, to insert love before that second thought–and maybe even the first.