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Phyllis Tickle: A Life

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When I first opened Phyllis Tickle: A Life and landed on the Chronology page at the beginning of the book, I started to cry. Here was a quick summary of Phyllis Tickle’s bio in three pages. It was a life I had been privileged to be part of for a dozen years.

From Jon Sweeney’s new, official biography of Phyllis, I learned so much more about the complex woman I loved, admired, and respected. Jon tackles the difficult task of organizing and analyzing the life of a woman who cannot be boxed in. There are so many overlapping and contrasting circles that describe her but do not contain her: Christian, spouse, mother, teacher, lecturer, analyzer, visionary, thinker, evangelist, sociologist, writer, poet, mentor, monk, extrovert, friend…. But Jon’s book does not just send out accolades on every page. It is an honest look at an amazing woman who struggled to juggle and balance those demanding and often conflicting and controversial roles. Phyllis Tickle: A Life expands my admiration for the breadth of her professional accomplishment and for the depth and discipline of her personal faith in God.

P.S. Without Phyllis Tickle, Praying in Color might still be just a secret prayer practice in my personal journal. When I met her in 2004 and showed her the way I prayed with doodles and color, Phyllis said “You’re going to write a book!”  Being in the South, I said, “Yes, m’am” and went to work. She was my encourager, my mentor, and my writing midwife/doula. Through emails and conversations, Phyllis helped me to birth a book–as she did for dozens, maybe hundreds of other writers. Phyllis Tickle: A Life is not a series of testimonials by grateful friends and authors, like me. That may yet be another book.

“I Could Tell You About Phyllis Tickle…But I Won’t.”

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Phyllis Tickle–author, religionist, scholar, Christian, mother, wife, and friend– died on Tuesday, September 22. As one of Phyllis Tickle’s 1500 (or maybe even 15,000) best friends I have unique experiences and stories to share–as do all of her other 14,999 close friends. She loved both lavishly and deeply and personally. So here are a few teasers from my treasure chest of Phyllis stories. The format I’ll use is:
“I could tell you about ______________, but I won’t.” *

  • I could tell you about emailing Phyllis to tell her about our potential move to Memphis in 2004 and her generous three-page response with the history of the city… but I won’t.
  • I could tell you about how I showed my notebook of doodled prayers to Phyllis at our first lunch together in Memphis and she said, “You’re going to write a book.”
  • I could tell you about not having had a mentor at age 15 or 25 or 35…or until 55 when Phyllis became one for me.
  • I could tell you about how Phyllis mothered me through the process of writing Praying in Color.
  • I could tell you about the instructions she gave me to get rid of the Imposter Syndrome when I felt like a loser and thought I had no business writing a book.
  • I could tell you about my husband Andy and me going to the Farm at Lucy (her home) for 4:30pm dinners so she could be in bed by 7pm.
  • I could tell you about how her husband Sam kicked her out of the kitchen when he retired saying, “I never liked your cooking anyway,” and cooked the meals from then on.
  • I could tell you about eating Sam’s weird concoctions of squash and tomatoes and okra from their garden on the Farm.
  • I could tell you about the hundreds of books on the shelves in Lucy that have dedications and acknowledgments to Phyllis Tickle written in them.
  • I could tell you about how every time I look at my dining room table I picture Phyllis and Sam seated there for a dozen Christmas, Easter, and Birthday dinners.
  • I could tell you about substituting portobello mushrooms for ground lamb in a classic moussaka recipe so vegetarian Phyllis could eat it.
  • I could tell you about how she would read any manuscript sent to her and respond to every email and text.
  • I could tell you about our visit with Phyllis in late April at the Farm and the strawberries, glasses of sparkling water and wine, and goodbye kisses that (unknown to us at the time) would be our last ones with her.Phyllis Last Visit Collage Resized
  • I could tell you about how she emailed Andy and me the following day to say she hadn’t wanted to ruin our visit with the news that she had only four months to live.
  • I could tell you about our shock at the news because she looked so vital and radiant when we saw her.
  • I could tell you about a woman who was unafraid to die because she had done that in her 20’s and had seen the Light.
  • I could tell you about the first ever unanswered text and prayer I sent to Phyllis on September 19.
  • I could tell you about how infinitely grateful I am that she shared herself and her wisdom with so many of us in her four-score and one years.
  • I could tell you about how different my life would be without Phyllis Tickle in it.
  • I could tell you about how I am less afraid to die knowing that Sam and Phyllis have preceded me into the Kingdom of Heaven… but I won’t.

 

* For about 15 years I have been an InterPlayer. InterPlay, founded by Cynthia Winton-Henry and Phil Porter, is a set of playful practices and structures/forms that build community and reunite us with the wisdom of our bodies and our stories. One of those forms is called “I could tell you about…but I won’t.” It’s a great way to tell a story or relay information and not bore the listener with too many details.

Four Score and Phyllis Tickle

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Today is the 80th birthday of Phyllis Tickle. She is one of my best friends; I am one of Phyllis’s 3500 best friends. I first met Phyllis at a Christian Education conference at Shrine Mont (a restored late 19th century summer resort, now Episcopal conference center) in Orkney Springs, Virginia. It was July 2001, two months before the fall of the World Trade Centers. Phyllis was the keynoter of a conference called “Spirituality in the 21st Century.” At 67, she was tall, elegant, white-haired, feisty, smarter than almost anyone I had ever met at any age, and a devout Christian. At 80, she is still all of those things.

Phyllis Tickle Is 80

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Phyllis describes herself as a “religionist.” A religionist is someone who studies and observes the trends and changes in the patterns of religions. Since religious trends and changes do not happen in a vacuum, Phyllis also knows about history, sociology, science, physics, and spirituality. The stories and knowledge she can share about these fields go back to about 4 CE. Her books number somewhere around fifty.

As much as I admire Phyllis’s brain and her knowledge and her ability to communicate to a large roomful of believers and skeptics, what I really love about Phyllis is her openness to people. She welcomes strangers and listens to their stories. When I moved to Memphis ten years ago, she invited me to lunch at an old Memphis “ladies” institution. We got to know each other over greens and tea sandwiches. I showed her my notebooks of doodled prayers. She said, “You’re going to write a book about this.” I said, “Yes, m’am” and did.

Phyllis mothered me through the process of writing a first book. She became my doula. A doula is a person who mothers a mother through pregnancy and childbirth. I was honored to write about this relationship in a book dedicated to Phyllis called Phyllis Tickle: Evangelist of the Future, edited by Tony Jones and published by Paraclete Press. The book is a Festschrift, a “celebratory piece of writing” that honors a person’s achievements while the person is still alive. In this book, a dozen people highlight various aspects of Phyllis’s long and ongoing career. My chapter is called: Mothering an Author Through the Birth of a Book: Phyllis Tickle as Doula. Paraclete will offer this book at 40% off for Phyllis’s birthday weekend.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PHYLLIS. Thank you for the many gifts you have given me and others. I am honored to call you mentor, doula, and friend.

Watch over thy child, Phyllis, O Lord, as her days increase; bless and guide her wherever he may be. Strengthen her when she stands; comfort her when discouraged or sorrowful; raise
her up if she fall; and in her heart may thy peace which passeth understanding abide all the days of her life; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. (Book of Common Prayer, p. 830)

Phyllis 80th resized