Praying in Color

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WAIT

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When members of my family come in the door after a day at work or time away, I’m likely to send a barrage of greetings and questions: “Hi, how are you? How was your day? What did you do? Did anything exciting happen?” On the surface, these questions may seem like friendly queries of interest and care about my loved ones. But sometimes it’s too much–too soon, too intrusive, too invasive, too yacky, too nosy…. Their responses are often terse or uninformative–conversation stoppers rather than starters: “Fine, Terrible, Nothing, No.” I get irritated and say stupid things like, “Oh c’mon something happened, tell me.”

I’m learning, however. Sometimes a simple, “Hi it’s good to see you” is enough. If I manage to be quiet and wait, stories and feelings will emerge. Maybe not on my time frame or maybe not even that day. But my silence and waiting honors both the privacy and rhythm of the other person’s life.

The other day when I heard some people talking about WAIT as an acronym, my ears perked up. I will try to remember it whenever my urge to wrack information from others or fix them or give them unwanted advice tickles my vocal chords and trickles close to my tongue.

“Fools care nothing for thoughtful discourse; all they do is run off at the mouth.” (Proverbs 18:2 MSG)

Sybil MacBeth ©2010

Coat of Many Fears

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I’m taking a course through the Memphis School of Servant Leadership called Fear, Courage and Christian Discipleship. The textbook is Following Jesus in A Culture of Fear by Scott Bader-Saye. During the first chapter alone, my head got tired from so many up-and-down nods in affirmation of his ideas. One of  Bader-Saye’s examples of cultural fear is that we have opted for “safe parenting” rather than “good parenting.” I am guilty of this tendency. But not only was/am I a fearful parent, but fear is a permanent part of my wardrobe in all aspects of my life.

Instead of wearing a Joseph-like “coat of many colors”, I  wear a “coat of many fears.” I mustered up enough courage  to draw my coat. Here’s what it looks like.

In the midst of this drawing exercise I was appalled by all those patches of fear. But I also noticed something. There are things I used to fear, but no longer fear. I’m making progress. The patches next to the coat are now badges of courage. Maybe one day I’ll have enough of those badges to make a whole colorful coat of courage–or at least a short jacket.

I’m not a proponent of being fearless. Fear is sometimes an attention getter, a protection against foolish behavior, and a life-saver. But I want fear in its proper place, under submission to the God described in 2 Timothy: “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” KJV

Sybil MacBeth ©2010

Stamp Prayers

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My dad introduced me to stamp collecting when I was about eight. He had a couple of navy-blue, hard-cover albums with crunchy-sounding, yellowed cellophane paper separating the pages. Colorful little rectangles were affixed to pages with headings like Mauritania and Helvetia–countries I had never heard of .

Something recently reminded me of those stamps. It might have been a drawing by my friend Cindy on her website Mostly Markers. Instead of using my Lenten calendar template this year, I decided to draw stamps. Each day  I draw one or two stamps for the people I’m praying for. I can imagine my prayer wishes taking flight, airmailed directly to God.

Sybil MacBeth ©2010

Sick Day

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I have a scratchy throat, teary eyes, drippy nose, and an inordinate need to sleep. I’m an impatient patient. Being sick feels like a violation of the Puritan work ethic. How can I take the time to recuperate when there is so much to be done?

But today I didn’t go to Zumba, waitress at the Waffle Shop at church, meet with my covenant prayer partner, work on a book, nor will I go to book club tonight. The world has not fallen apart with my temporary absence. Probably no one has even noticed. I don’t say this out of self-pity, but just in an effort to be “right-sized.”

I get a cold once every three years, usually in February. I wonder if this is some sort of triennial Lenten gift–a way to slow down and take a corporeal sabbath. This morning I tried to catch up on some work-type reading in bed, but fell asleep. I woke at 2 PM, took a shower, and went to a El Mezcal, a local restaurant, for Sopa de Pollo–yummy chicken-rice soup with fresh avocado on top. Except for an absence of hugs and kisses, this is way better convalescent fare than my mother offered with beef boullion and Cherry Jello.

But now I’m tired again and ready for another nap. Maybe I’ll just say thank-you for the time apart, the chicken soup, and the cosmic hugs and kisses I’m feeling from on High.

Sybil MacBeth ©2010

Lenten Calendar for Prayer

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Here is a sample of the template I’ve used for the past few years to pray during Lent. Each day I pray for a person or pray a short passage or word from Scripture. As the prayers accumulate day-by-day I can look back and continue to pray for the people from the days before.

Here is last year’s Lenten calendar. It was originally published on the at the Purpose Driven Connection on April 14, 2009.

Sybil MacBeth ©2010

Lenten Discipline

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I have compiled my list of Do’s and Don’ts  for the 40 days of Lent.

1. Don’t eat desserts or snacks.
2. Do pray for someone or something everyday using the Lenten calendar template or some other drawing format.
3. Don’t play computer Scrabble.
4. Do something small, but courageous every day–even if it’s just Look in the mirror! or Say “hi” to a stranger.
5. Do practice silence–both alone and in the company of other people.

This year’s list is smaller than last year’s list, but maybe doable. Last year the list was excessive-as I knew it would be. But I like to give myself options (or maybe more accurately, outs).

I love the discipline of Lent. For two-score days, Lent gives me permission to not apologize for giving serious attention to my journey with Jesus. Why would I have to apologize at other times? Without the structured time frame and the community assent, I’m not spiritually mature enough to take the wilderness walk alone.

Lent doesn’t feel like deprivation or obligation to me. It feels like an opportunity for course adjustment or a re-ordering of my life. There’s nothing wrong with desserts or computer Scrabble, except when my attention to them is out of kilter. Lent is the time I ask God to give me a tune-up and to realign my spiritual chassis. God gives me an annual detailing job–one I usually try to avoid.

During Lent I let Psalm 51 in: “Purge me from my sin, and I shall be pure;  wash me, and I shall be clean indeed.”  (Psalm 51: 8 BCP)  I love the way The Message says it: “Soak me in your laundry and I’ll come out clean, scrub me and I’ll have a snow-white life.”  Giving up desserts and Scrabble are just some small gestures I make to warm up for the big ways in which God really wants to clean me up.

Sybil MacBeth ©2010


Ash Wednesday

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Most of my praying happens outside of a church building. But I don’t want to underestimate the power of a sacred physical space to create for  me an intense experience of prayer.

I arrived at church at 7:30AM today to receive a smudge of ashes on my forehead–the symbol of my mortality and sin and the big black starter button for Lent. The morning sun shone through the stained glass.The congregation recited prayers in unison. The familiar words of Psalm 51 circled my head and rose towards the rafters. My woolen-garbed neighbors passed the sign of God’s Peace with a handshake.The priest swiveled his blackened thumb on my forehead and said the words from Genesis 3: ” Remember, you are but dust and to dust you shall return.” The bread and wine woke my sleepy taste buds and slid down my throat. This was whole-bodied prayer. It invited my taste, touch, sight, sound, and smell into the experience.

Couldn’t this have happened somewhere else? Maybe. But the specific physical space where I worshiped this morning set the stage for this special time of prayer. My prayers joined the millions of other full-bodied prayers offered in this place for almost 170 years.

Sybil MacBeth ©2010

Valentine’s Day

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My Valentine to God….

Drawing or doodling gives me a chance to spend time with God without my body complaining. It also creates a quiet space for me to just listen. I don’t need words for these prayers, but if words come I don’t chase them away.

The drawings I do are really just doodles. This is a heart with a bunch of flat “U’s” drawn around it. A few hearts are thrown in. My friend Cindy from Mostly Markers showed me how to draw this kind of rosette drawing using just a bunch of V’s and U’s. It’s a way to grow a drawing without thinking much about the design. Just draw another U or draw a V. It keeps the focus on my time with God and not on the drawing itself.

Sybil MacBeth ©2010

Back to Blogging

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This is my first post since December 31. For most of 2009 I wrote The Prayer Blog for the website The Purpose Driven Connection. As of today the posts are still accessible on the site.

Six weeks away from blogging taught me six (more or less) things about blogging:
1) I needed a vacation from a year of almost daily writing for the public eye.

2) Writing down what’s tumbling around my brain keeps me from obsessing about it.

3) Paying attention is a spiritual practice that requires practice. Writing keeps my eyes and ears open. Open eyes and ears keep me writing.

4)  My posts don’t need to be Pulitzer Prize winners. When I adopt such a perfectionist expectation, nothing ends up on the paper.

5) Often I don’t know what I’m thinking until I see my scrambled thoughts and words emerge on the paper or computer screen.

6) Words sometimes fail me: in conversation, in writing, and in prayer. Walking, sitting, rocking, dancing, and doodling are non-verbal ways for me to pay attention.

My writing and drawings are the spiritual and prayer musings of one hungry pilgrim on an imperfect journey with Jesus. I’ll post these musings when the spirit moves–I hope it will often be the Holy Spirit! Thanks for reading.

Sybil MacBeth ©2010