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COVID Confessions 2

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CONFESSIONS
Things done and left undone, things said or not said, acts committed or not committed…in this unfamiliar world of staying at home

OBSERVATIONS
Things I’ve noticed and observed in this unfamiliar world of staying at home

Confession: I’m suspicious of my and other people’s quick pontificating on the meaning of this pandemic or how it will change us all forever or what we are learning from it. We are a creative and adaptable culture. We learn swiftly and improvise with flair. It is our gift as Westerners, as Americans. Sheltering-at-home has given us opportunities for our imaginations to fire and our survival skills to flourish. We are also a culture with a short attention span. An addiction to newness and excitement is our curse. Quick conversions to the newest diet, exercise program, books, TV series, clothes, phones… make us restless for the next thing coming down the pike. (“A pike. What’s a pike?” We don’t even have those anymore, do we?) The semi-permanence of the pandemic has sunk in and many of us are now tired of sheltering-at-home. Boredom threatens to send us outside too soon looking for something else and the next phase of our lives. And here I am making a quick pronouncement about who we are and who you are and what we are all thinking. I shutter at my own efforts to make proclamations, especially since I know that the pandemic has not just inconvenienced some, but has had devastating personal and economic repercussions for many.

Observation: I like giving things away. Last month we closed the sale on our house in Memphis and stashed fifty years of stuff into a 10’x15′ storage unit. We gave away most of our furniture. Much of it was from our childhoods. I never knew that saying goodbye to tables, chairs, couch, credenza, dressers, a piano, desks…could be so much fun, so satisfying. We posted the items on Nextdoor one at a time. When someone was interested we moved the piece to the front porch—to comply with social-distancing—and watched and waved as neighbors piled things in pickups and on roofs of cars. In the Photos app on my phone, I have an album called Bless and Release. The items below are in the album as well as dozens of other pictures of things we have given away in the past fifteen years. Although we no longer want or need these items, I am grateful for all of them. Maybe now they will get to be loved by new owners.

 

Confession: I am a skeptic, sometimes even a cynic. Reread the confession at the top of the page if you doubt that. A few weeks ago I heard a terrific sermon about a famous skeptic from  Elizabeth Felicetti at St. David’s Episcopal Church in Richmond, VA. Thomas, the guy who doubted Jesus and wanted proof that Jesus had wounds, had died, and had risen, was a skeptic. We faithful Christians often lambast him for his doubt.  But Elizabeth had a different take on Thomas: “Jesus’ disciples needed a skeptic, so that other skeptics could see themselves in today’s resurrection story. (John 20:19-31) All twelve disciples had different functions, different calls. All twelve. Even Judas. Thomas earlier showed himself to be brave and faithful. His skepticism here led to great faith. Thomas was called to skepticism.” I like the idea that Thomas was “called” to be a skeptic. Healthy skepticism is clarifying and balancing. Whatever news sources I read and listen to, I need to receive with a skeptic’s mind and not assume it’s all true OR all false. When someone offers me a new product or a new way to live, I need to ask questions and weigh the answers. Part of my skepticism, however, is not healthy. It is just plain fear, the paralyzing kind that makes me incapable of decisions and action. My skepticism can be an intellectual pretense to hide that fear. I want to be be skeptical like Thomas but also “brave and faithful” like him. (To read Elizabeth’s whole sermon click here. It is both brave and faithful.)

Observation: I really enjoy doing jigsaw puzzles, especially with another person. Mostly I like the 500-750 piece versions. 1000-piece puzzles feel so hopeless, so interminable, and then there are the teeny tiny pieces forming endless swaths of brown or black. I also like the playfulness of the less complicated puzzles, like the one we are doing now called Tree-Dwelling Slowpokes, a 500-piece puzzle from a company called mudpuppykids. I bought the puzzle online from the Urban General Store in Chicago. I’m learning the names of some sleepy animals I never heard of before. Assembling a puzzle is also a nice way to spend quiet, communal time with a friend or to listen to an audible book together.

COVID Confessions 1

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Sheltering-at-home brings out my best character assets and my worst character defects. It also heightens my temptation to draw conclusions and impose meaning when confessing and observing might be more honest and real. In this post and several more are some of my confessions  and observations about things done and left undone in this unfamiliar world of staying at home.

Confession 1:  I did not finish my Lenten Calendar template by the end of Lent. I finally filled in the last space, Holy Saturday, this past Sunday, two weeks after Easter. I started getting behind about the second week of Lent. Then came the words of self-recrimination: “lazy, unfaithful, hypocrite, blah, blah….” Then these words came to me: “You’re packing up your house of sixteen years, giving away most of your furniture, selling and moving out of the house, leaving family and friends, driving close to 1000 miles to shelter in a new place, and waiting to see if you will actually get to spend a year in Jerusalem with your husband as planned. Maybe this is enough work for Lent, loved one.” And maybe my normal planned ways of practicing Lent needed a little shakeup. So my daily practice of reading a scripture passage, reading a correlative meditation, and responding with colored markers and pen on the calendar template became sporadic and bingey. And that turned out to be okay.

What I hadn’t paid conscious attention to during Lent was the circles on the calendar—little worlds of words spiraling around the page. Most of my prayers and reading in the past couple of months have focused on the world—its interconnectedness, smallness, and susceptibility. My Holy Week reflections were all prayers for the world. A theme had emerged throughout Lent without my conscious planning.

I used the same devotional this year as I did in 2016, A Way Other Than Our Own: Devotions for Lent by Walter Brueggemann, Westminster John Knox Press, 2016. Brueggemann’s daily devotions and the scripture passages that inspired them read differently to me this year than in 2016. I suspect that if I had read them on time, two weeks earlier this year, they would have been different, also. On the Saturday before Palm Sunday, I chose “YES” as my word for the day and wrote it in the appropriate circle. The scripture reading was Exodus 17:17 (NRSV): “[Moses} called the place Massah and Meribah, because the Israelites quarreled and tested the Lord, saying, “Is the Lord among us or not?” A few sentences of Brueggemann’s response: “Yes, God has the capacity to transpose wilderness into an arena for life. Yes, God is reliable. Yes God is faithful. Yes, God is an adequate source for life in a context of scarcity and anxiety….The story is about God’s inexplicable capacity to do well-being in a world that has been shut down.” ZING! My late reading of these words put me IN the drama of Scripture, not viewing it from the outside: “In a world that has been shut down…” I hear this question over and over again: “Is the Lord among us or not?” And contrary to the overwhelming evidence of God’s absence, I know strongly in my head, heart, and body, “Yes! Yes! Yes!” My lateness and laxness did not keep me from this Good News.

Grieving and Mourning–A Praying in Color Lesson Plan

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Guest blogger Mary Ann Stafford is an artist, an educator, a musician, a writer, and a mother of eight children with 25 grandchildren and 20 great-grandchildren! At 87, she describes herself as an over-achiever. Her complete bio at the bottom of this post confirms this!

Mary Ann started using praying in color to mourn and pray when her husband of sixty years died. Even before his death, she had felt God calling her to facilitate a grief support group for those who had lost loved ones. She began this mission at her church and at the local senior center.  Although not a registered grief counselor, she has been blessed with facilitation training as a teacher and administrator as well as being a Stephen Minister at her church.

She learned and studied many different “coping skills” to help people with their mourning—ways to accept and get through the pain however long it takes.  Examples include writing in a journal, talking about it with others who have been through the same process, walking outdoors, exercise, reading and art therapy- any way to get the hurt out in the open instead of holding it inside.  Praying in color exercises seemed to fit right in, so she adapted some of the methods to use with her grief groups. “These were much appreciated by the members, especially since they could come back to their prayer doodles anytime in the present and/or future to see their reconciliation progress,” said Mary Ann.

Mary Ann has graciously agreed to share one of her lessons. This first lesson plan called Making A Memory Map involves thinking and praying about beloved memories of those who’ve lost loved ones.  She calls it a “memory map.” Below is an example of a “memory map” and a guide for leading a grief session In Mary Ann’s words. Before you share the idea with a group, do it on your own several times. New memories will pop up each time you do it.
Making a Memory Map
 by Mary Ann Stafford

I’m going to introduce a different way to pray as well as a way to mourn your loved ones.  It’s commonly known that drawing and painting are ways to conquer stress, lower blood pressure, and express emotions. It’s also fun!  The idea originally came by reading Praying in Color – a book by Sybil MacBeth that uses doodling with colors as a prayer experience.

Here’s what you need to know:  Approach it with an open mind – you don’t have to be an artist – just “play” with colors. You don’t have to be an artist – you’re not replicating anything. IT’S THE PROCESS, NOT THE PRODUCT – THINK OF IT AS JUST DOODLING!  NO RIGHT OR WRONG –

THINK LIKE A CHILD:  As it says in Mark 10:15, “Whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.”

You can do this at home as well – in the morning or evening in your prayer spot. Only simple supplies are needed: even just with black or blue ink pens and paper.  Do this in your journal, or on any kind of paper.

MATERIALS:  5X6” SHEETS OF PAPER, COLORED MARKERS WITH TWO DIFFERENT SIZED NIBS.

SHOW MY EXAMPLE: Above is one of my examples. I started with the words “Precious Memories” instead of my husband’s name, but that made no difference. I could have continued on and on – there were lots of memories. I seem to always start in the middle, but you don’t have to do that.  Start anywhere on the paper and take your time.

CENTERING: SIT UP STRAIGHT, BREATHE IN AND OUT, SILENTLY ASK THE HOLY SPIRIT TO HELP US. PLAYING SOME QUIET MUSIC WOULD ALSO HELP.

START WITH THE NAME OF YOUR LOVED ONE SOMEWHERE IN THE CENTER: Make a shape around the name – any kind of shape – pray about him/her, and think about him/her as you do – embellish with some detail – enhance the shape as you pray for his/her soul – add colors that you like.

THINK ABOUT THE MEMORIES YOU HAVE: – Something you always want to remember – write a brief note, make another shape, either connected to the first or separately and decorate it with colors.  Keep going with more memories until the paper is filled, you run out of memories or time. Thank God as you go for these beautiful memories you never want to forget.

When finished, turn your drawing over and write the date on the back.  Then you can come back to it time and time again to relive those blessed memories.

CALL TIME AFTER 20 MINUTES:  Share your drawing and the memories with the others.  What colors did you use? How is your pattern different from others in the group?  What other ways could this process be used? Listing what you’re grateful for? Your gifts and abilities to use for others? Your shortcomings, dreams, worries?

END WITH A BRIEF PRAYER.

Here are a couple of other examples of Mary Ann’s memory maps. Thanks to Mary Ann for these ideas.

Mary Ann Stafford’s Bio:
Dr. Mary Ann Stafford is a highly recognized artist who resides in Maumelle, Arkansas. Her education credentials include a BSE and an MA degree in English; art hours from Kansas City Art Institute and the UofA, and an EdD in Secondary Education with an emphasis in art education. She began the art program at Pine Bluff High School where she taught English and art, later becoming assistant principal.  She retired from the Arkansas Department of Education.  In addition to formal art training, Stafford has continued to take and teach art workshops.  She is a Signature member of the Pastel Society of the Southwest, Arkansas Pastel Society, Arkansas League of Artists, and Mid-Southern Watercolorists.  As a regular exhibitor, she has won major awards in Arkansas and Texas.  Her paintings are in private collections in Arkansas and several other states.  Her web site is www.staffordart.com; her teaching blog is at www.pastelanne.wordpress.com.

 

Easter Sunday Prayers for the World

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It was on Easter Sunday and all in the morning

Our Savior arose and our Heavenly King

The sun and the moon they did both rise with Him

And sweet Jesus we’ll call him by name.

(This is the last verse of an English carol that starts with “It was on Christmas Day….”)
I love the image of the sun and the moon rising with Jesus.

 

Easter Day Template .pdf                                 Easter Day Template. jpg

 

Here are the lectionary readings for Easter day:
Acts 10:34-43
Jeremiah 31:1-6
Psalm 118: 1-2, 14-24
Colossians 3:1-4
Acts 10:34-43
John 20:1-18
Matthew 28:1-10

Holy Saturday Prayers for the World

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Holy Saturday

The blackest day
The emptiest day
The sorriest day
The silent-as-a-grave day
The hold-your-breath day
The candles-barely-shed-a ray day
The waiting day
The no-word-from-God day
The hope-slides-into-hopeless day
The call-it-quits day
The please, Lord, give-us-a-glimmer-of-light day

Here are the lectionary readings for the day:
Job 14:1-14
Lamentations 3:1-9, 19-24
Psalm 31:1-4, 15-16
1Peter 4:1-8
Matthew 27:57-66
John 19:38-42

Good Friday Prayers for the World

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It was on Good Friday and all in the morning

They crucified our Savior and our Heavenly King

And was not this a woeful thing

And sweet Jesus we’ll call him by name

These words are from a traditional English carol called And All in the Morning.
(If you receive these blog posts in an email, you might have to go to the blog site to hear the song.)

Griefs, sorrows, questions, queries, beliefs, unbeliefs, petitions, wails, wows, gratitudes, grudges, pains, pleasures, satisfactions, sufferings—place them all around the cross.  Use words, doodles, strokes of the pen, dots, dashes, color….

Download Template 1 

Download Template 2

Here are the lectionary readings for the day:
Isaiah 52: 13-53:12
Psalm 22
Hebrews 10: 16-25
John 18: 1-19:42

Holy Thursday Prayers for the World

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It was on Holy Thursday and all in the morning

They plaited a crown of thorns for our Heavenly King

And was not this a woeful thing

And sweet Jesus we’ll call him by name.

These words are from a traditional English carol called And All in the Morning.
(If you receive these blog posts in an email, you might have to go to the blog site to hear the song.)

Even though I am physically separated and sheltered from a worshipping community this year, Lent feels much less private than normal. I usually turn inward and spend more time alone during Lent. This year, to my surprise, my attention is drawn outward towards what is happening outside the four walls of my house and across the waters to other parts of the world. This worldwide virus event is like a banquet to which everyone on the planet has received an invitation and no one chooses to attend. There is sacrifice, hardship, disease, and death across the globe. But there is also comradeship and common interest and concern and conversation. To experience this pandemic during Lent is being IN the drama of suffering and sorrow rather than just commemorating it like we do each year. Jesus was willing to share and experience the suffering of fellow humans.

I like the round, globelike template this week as a way to focus on the solidarity and not the separateness of the world. From the center of the circle I can view the North, South, East, and West. I also like the circle because it gives me a framework and a boundary. With so much to obsess and think about, the simplicity and structure of the circle offers a starting place of ease and freedom. for drawing. HERE is the link to today’s template.

The Exodus reading for today is about the Passover. The Israelites prepare a banquet in accordance with God’s orders and place the blood of the lamb on the doorposts and the lintel of their houses. This ensures that the plague will pass over them. Passover this year began last night and continues until April 16. It’s an appropriate time to pray that this modern day plague will pass by us and others around the world.

 

Here are the lectionary readings for the day:
Exodus 12: 1-4 (5-10), 11-14
Psalm 116: 1-2, 12-19
1 Corinthians 11:23-26
John 13: 1-17, 31b-35

Holy Wednesday Prayers for the World

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It was on Holy Wednesday and all in the morning

That Judas betrayed our dear Heavenly King

And was not this a woeful thing

And sweet Jesus we’ll call him by name.

These words are from a traditional English carol called And All in the Morning. I have sung this song and danced it in a church setting. Today I use it to combine prayers for Holy Week and the world with the Gospel of the day. The recording above is my husband Andy and I singing this morning–before a cup of coffee.

Below is the template I’ll use for this Holy Wednesday prayer. Based on the first line of today’s Gospel reading from John 13: 21-32,  those funny things in the middle of the circle are supposed to be lips  “After saying this Jesus was troubled in spirit, and declared, ‘Very truly, I tell you, one of you will betray me.'” It is often with our mouths and our lips that we betray. Judas betrays with a kiss. I will keep this reading in mind today as I write words and doodle and think about our connection with the world. I’ll post the template HERE.

You can use the template above or trace around a plate, draw shapes or lines, add words, names, or snippets of the Scripture readings and make this your Holy Wednesday prayer.

Here are the lectionary readings for the day:
Isaiah 50: 4-9a
Psalm 70
Hebrews 12: 1-3
John 13: 21-32

 

Step-by-Step Intercessory Praying in Color

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My inattention and distraction in prayer are at a heightened, high-alert, orange level. Praying in color came to me in a time of desperation and inattention  when many friends and family members received diagnoses of cancer. I could not find the words for my prayers. Now is a similar time of despair, but this is not mine alone. Maybe this a good time to do a mini-summary/reminder about praying in color.  If fear threatens to overpower your focus and words in prayer, stop trying to make the words come. Sometimes prayer is just about creating a space where we are open to receiving the presence of God…with or without words. So grab some paper, a pen, and colored markers, pens, or pencils and create this space. The step-by-step guide below is a way to pray for yourself and others. You can also download an 8.5″ x 11″ pdf of this guide. Click here.